Scattered Thoughts...

Feeling like crap and don't know why. Confused as hell. Life doesn't seem to be working out the way I planned. Losing people. Keep losing people. Missing people. Regrets. Trying hard to stay the path I made for myself yet leaving room for detours. Not making much sense. When did I ever? Maybe I need to sleep more, maybe I need to drink less. Not happy...not happy about a lot of things again. Not up to the challenge of change and responsibilities. Want to be free. Free of things that weigh me down. Free of myself. Reaching out but grasping air. Nothing there. Inside my shell, looking out. Wondering why I have no control over my life. Being unreasonable. Feeling lost. Feel like breaking down but can't. I want to go...where, I have no idea. Just go...just leave. Just typing. Feeling lonely and yet, wanting to be alone. Isolation. Crap, not making any sense. Close to tears and don't know why. Maybe I do. I don't know. Lost...just lost. Wishing for the darkness...willing for the quiet. Praying for the end. Staring into space...can't make myself move. Existing. That's all there is. Want to scream, want to shout. Don't have the energy. The passion is gone. Feel dead inside. Smoke and drink to oblivion, but can't. Life goes on. The day comes anew. Bleeding...let me bleed. Ramblings. Incoherent thoughts. Scattered. Scared? I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.