Entry for February 25, 2007

Ha! Wasn't able to go out to dinner with my friends. We were all so tired and took a nap in the afternoon and woke up past 9 PM!! By the time we get ready it would be too late in the evening. (These are a bunch of women so of course they'll be taking their sweet time to get ready! Oh well, it's okay. We can always do it another time. My friend was disappointed though because she wanted to go out my birthday weekend. She's sweet and I tried to make her understand it was fine. So next time then.

But I still went out though. Two of my friends called me up telling me they were on their way to pick me up so we could go have coffee. Made me scramble coz those guys could be there any minute!! They are so sweet!! We went to Starbucks for coffee and P. Bear bought me a slice of chocolate cake to celebrate. He wanted to get a candle as well (Good thing they don't have any at Starbucks! Hahaha!!) These guys are the best. I miss hanging out with them. They're funny as hell! I'm always either one of the guys or their baby sister. I consider myself to be their mascot since I'm usually the only female there (Unless they brought dates or are trying to hook up with some chick! HAHAHA!) But nevertheless, they make sure I'm taken cared of. Protective bunch. No one can come near me. Which is very funny since I'm definitely not the youngest and I can whoop their ass if they piss me off! Hahaha!! I really miss hanging with them. Maybe I'll go see a movie with the P. Bear later. Who knows. I might have other plans as well. But it was great being able to hang out with my guy friends even for just coffee. Been hanging out with only my women friends for the past four months and it's making me wimpy! Need a guy's perspective on things. Besides, my guy friends don't care if I laugh too loud or act like a dork. I'm basically one of them. Oh geez, I cuss like a sailor as well!! Hahaha!!!

Fun few hours. We're seriously getting older. Conversation was mostly about work, responsibilities and some relationship stuff thrown in. Mostly work responsibilities, hahaha!! We're all headed somewhere and that's cool. Who would have thought I'd be that way! Aahh.. life is so funny.

Anyhoo, I feel like another nap. I plan to sleep a lot this weekend since I'm on leave from work. Some people still want to take me out this weekend so we'll see if I'm in the mood to hang. I need to recuperate for a bit before I dive in head first at work this week. Aah... a three-day leave is not enough. Oh well, there's always my one-week leave in April, hehehe!

The Interesting Things I Did On My Birthday

What did I do, you ask? After working almost 24 hours at the office, I came home and was met at the door by my dad greeting me "Happy birthday!" After all the hugs and kisses were over he casually informed me, "Oh, your great aunt just died." Oh, what fun!! Good thing I was too tired to do anything else than just stare at him and say, "Okay." Spent the best part of the morning watching Heroes on DVD and slept the afternoon away. Didn't really feel like celebrating. I just wanted to sleep. Just another day for me. No biggie.

At night, had dinner out with the family. It was cool. My sisters and brother were there, as well as my parents. Had some good food and laughed a bit but I was still feeling tired. After dinner spent four hours on the road just to go to the wake of my great aunt. So basically spent the rest of my birthday night on the road to see a dead relative. Eh, wasn't really that bad. Had a few laughs along the way. Took a nap in the car when we got there. Woke up and had breakfast and laughed at another great aunt (this one is alive). She's hilarious! Feisty little thing for a 70-something year old. They were all a hoot. Got in the car and drove another four hours home. Stopping along the way to buy food native to the area (My sister's idea. We just love to eat! Hahaha!)

Now I'm home. Still tired as hell and more than I was the day before. Just trying to chill a bit before I take a nap before I go out again in the evening. Some friends want to take me out to dinner. I really don't feel like going but they are all so excited to take me out on a birthday dinner and I don't have the heart to tell them I'd rather stay home and sleep. I seriously don't feel like celebrating. I just want to sleep.

Life is good and all. I am blessed with a lot of things. I just can't get over the date. The 23rd. Very poignant for me. The further away I can get from that date the better. The future holds much possibilities. Endless. I just don't feel like celebrating on my birthday. Not important. No big deal. I can look forward to the days ahead and I can celebrate those but not my birthday for something is missing. I accept that. It's just a day anyway. I'm rambling. Need sleep.

Thank you for those who remembered, especially the ones I haven't spoken to in a long time and those I never expected to have remembered. That means a lot more too me. Now I'll sleep and just worry about how I'm going to pretend that I'm enjoying myself later. I seriously am touched that my friends want to take me out and celebrate with me but I'd rather watch DVDs and sleep. Oh well, we'll see.

Birthday Blues - I Miss You

It's 1:30 in the morning and I'm still awake, finishing a rush file at home. Been woken up for the past two days by thoughts of you. Woke up crying. Never happened to me before. Never thought that was possible. Stress at work always makes me think of you I guess. Weird, huh? You were always the person I turned to when I felt like I couldn't deal with things. When I felt overwhelmed. Then I realized I don't have you anymore nor will I ever have you back. Dumb. Dumb! Dumb!! DUMB!!! I still can't stop hoping. It's not doing me any good. I need to get it through my thick head that it's over. That there's no turning back. It still hurts, no matter how hard I try to pretend it doesn't. No matter how hard I try to forget. I'm in a slump. I guess I'm tired. I dunno. People keep wanting to set me up with every "Great Guy" they know but I don't really feel up to it. I just feel worse whenever I think about it. I know it's crazy but I do. They're not you.

Ah crap! I wish I was over you. Maybe then I'd stop feeling like crap. Stop feeling like crying whenever anything reminds me of you. Stop waking up each day just to realize I will never be with you and all the hurt comes back. Pathetic, I know. Get out of this slump woman! He neither misses you nor does he ever think of you. He does not love you, he never did. The sooner you accept that, the better off you will be. But until that day comes, the day I can wake up and feel like things are as it should be, the day I'm finally ready to move on, I'll still miss you. I miss you.

Wearing my heart on my sleeve. Well, maybe just on cyber space. In the real world I still look like I have things in control. My emotions in check. A smile on my face. Dealing with the complexities of my new position at the office. Keeping a level head. Recently got promoted but couldn't be completely happy about it because I couldn't share the news with you. Had to stop myself from telling you. Don't really think you'd care anyway. Dunno why I keep making things hard on myself. I'm just probably nuts. It just really hurts so bad. Someday, oneday...

I miss you. Aah...the birthday blues.