Waiting for the other shoe to drop...

An expression oddly familiar but a bit out of place. What does it really mean? Does it mean you're waiting for something bad to happen after something good just did? Or is it waiting for something worse to happen after something bad? A Pessimist's way of thinking. Maybe I'm completely mistaken and it doesn't mean either? No, I don't have too much time on my hands that it has driven me to ponder mundane things. Just something that has crossed my mind. A means of escape. To concentrate on something so mundane helps to forget what you're really supposed to be facing and don't want to. To forget all the hurt, pain and confusion you feel inside. Even for just a brief moment, to be under the illusion of being free. Call me a coward, call me a weakling if you want. Right now all I want to do is not to care. Not to feel a thing. I wish for numbness. Think and say what you wish. I need peace. I need to gain back the energy I have lost (just by being who I am) and that I myself let be drained out of me by people. Let me deal with all of you when I get my strength back. Maybe I need psychological help. Maybe I need meds. A strong probability to both. But for now all I can say is screw you. Why? Just because I want. Sorry, I don't really like anything and anyone much right now. No matter what you say or do. I just want to be left alone. Give me a couple of days and I'll be back to my "perky" self. Ready to face life's challenges and disappointments. Ready do deal with other peoples problems and be the strong individual they expect me to be. Ready to be happy again (or at least let ppl think I am). But as for now just leave me alone. I wouldn't want to bite your head off and I'm afraid I will if you get too close. Like they say, misery loves company so keep away. No one deserves that from me. So let me wallow in the comfort of my own sorrow. Let me have my space. Let me have my peace, even though it is a false sense of peace. Let me neither feel nor think of anything. Give me silence. Grant me sleep. Sleep... never ending sleep. I'll be fine. Give me a couple of days. Probably a week. A shrink would be nice. Some meds would be better. Ask me again in a couple of days. I'm just not thinking straight at the moment. Or maybe I haven't been more clear about things than this very moment? Who knows. I'm just sleepy. Just leave me be. I'll live. Just another day in my life. Another thing i have to deal with on my own. Sleep... to sleep a dreamless sleep. Quiet. Numb.