In one's lifetime you will always meet at least one person you will not like. Find something about them that rubs you the wrong way or idea/ideals/behaviors you do not agree with. You bitch, you moan, you complain about it then you realize, you are the same way. You realize that some of the things you do or say are the things you do not want done or said to you. So you spend years trying to better yourself. Trying not to be THAT person. You believe you want to treat people the way you want yourself to be treated. To be fair and just. So you work hard to do so. But you still screw up. You still fail at times and become that same person you've tried desperately not to be like. You end up being the person you hate.
At first you try to hide that from people. Hide the dark side of you. Hide the ugliness. Ashamed of it. Afraid of how people would react. Afraid to be left behind. Then you try to be honest about it. To let people know you might have a problem. Open up and be honest in hope that, though they may think it wrong and do not understand, would try not to judge you. Would at least give you the benefit of the doubt that you do want to change and have been trying to do so. Would be supportive and encouraging that you can change. Hoping to make your relationship stronger and maybe help you get pass it all. But I think that's too much to ask from anyone. I guess it wouldn't be fair to expect it. Too much of a burden to put on a person. I guess some people really will never change.
I understand. I see their point and for the most part I agree with it. I am what I hate. No point denying it. I'll still go on, trying to work through my issues and learn to deal with them and try to be a better person. But, people around me, be forewarned. You may not like me if you really get to know me and I cannot change that. All I can change or try to change are the things I think is wrong with me or the things I think that can make me be a better person. But I am only human and I will screw up at times. If you don't like me for who I am or what you learn about me in the future I will understand if you would wish to leave me. I will be hurt but I will understand. You are in no obligation to live with what is wrong with me or accept me for who I am after all. That is YOUR right. All I can do now is be honest about who I am and not pretend to be someone you would like to be with. I wouldn't do any of us any good if I did because the truth will always come out and you'll always have to deal with the ugly side of me. The thing you too would hate about me.
This is my way of letting you know I am screwed up. Isolating myself is sometimes the best thing I can do for everyone.
At first you try to hide that from people. Hide the dark side of you. Hide the ugliness. Ashamed of it. Afraid of how people would react. Afraid to be left behind. Then you try to be honest about it. To let people know you might have a problem. Open up and be honest in hope that, though they may think it wrong and do not understand, would try not to judge you. Would at least give you the benefit of the doubt that you do want to change and have been trying to do so. Would be supportive and encouraging that you can change. Hoping to make your relationship stronger and maybe help you get pass it all. But I think that's too much to ask from anyone. I guess it wouldn't be fair to expect it. Too much of a burden to put on a person. I guess some people really will never change.
I understand. I see their point and for the most part I agree with it. I am what I hate. No point denying it. I'll still go on, trying to work through my issues and learn to deal with them and try to be a better person. But, people around me, be forewarned. You may not like me if you really get to know me and I cannot change that. All I can change or try to change are the things I think is wrong with me or the things I think that can make me be a better person. But I am only human and I will screw up at times. If you don't like me for who I am or what you learn about me in the future I will understand if you would wish to leave me. I will be hurt but I will understand. You are in no obligation to live with what is wrong with me or accept me for who I am after all. That is YOUR right. All I can do now is be honest about who I am and not pretend to be someone you would like to be with. I wouldn't do any of us any good if I did because the truth will always come out and you'll always have to deal with the ugly side of me. The thing you too would hate about me.
This is my way of letting you know I am screwed up. Isolating myself is sometimes the best thing I can do for everyone.
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