I wish I had a punching bag to let out all this unhealthy energy. All this rage. So pissed off I'm actually shaking. For what reason I have no idea. Not happy about anything at the moment and I know my behavior is neither fair nor reasonable but I can't help feeling it. I feel bad that I am letting it out on some people especially those I care about. I know that they have a lot of things they have to deal with themselves and they shouldn't be weighed down by my troubles, but for some reason, them not caring nor even bother trying to understand or make me feel better pisses me off even more. To them I'm just being psychotic and not worth even dealing with and that hurts too. I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with but would it kill you to show you care about my feelings once in a while and not treat me like some kind of idiot??
Yeah, probably I'm going crazy. A self absorbed, selfish, neurotic, narcissistic little bitch! But at the moment I don't really care. At the moment I'm tired of being the one who always understands and gives in. The one who makes the effort to smooth things over and apologizes. The one who tries to make you feel good and worries about your feelings. I know I was never asked to do this and it was my choice so I should just accept the fact that I won't get the same courtesy in return nor should I expect it. But I'm only human and I hope for the same treatment from the people I care about most. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!!
Sometimes I just wonder what I really mean to them. If my feelings even matter. Because right now it seems that it isn't worth squat! Sometimes I just want to feel that they care. That even though they can't really do anything for me and can't fix what's wrong, that they'd at least try to make me feel like they're there for me and not just dismiss me like I'm a child throwing a hissy fit (I know I'm acting like one right now but I can't help it). Not to be ignored. Like how I feel isn't of importance. That my presence or lack of it holds little bearing in their lives. Is it so wrong for a person to want to be made to feel like you are important once in a while? That you matter. That you are needed. That if you leave it will have an effect on them. I was told that some people are just the way they are and they would never change but if you really loved someone you'd want to show them that they matter and want to make them feel better when they're not or at least try. It's not changing who you are but just wanting to show you care. Very idealistic, I know. Sounds like such a girl thing to say but as I last checked, I am one. So to hell what people might think about this blog. I probably will regret this when I've cooled down (I already feel guilty about my recent words and actions but I can't seem to stop) . Regret being a brat and being unreasonable but at the moment I don't care. I'm hurt, I'm mad and I feel very, very unappreciated.
This is me venting, whining, complaining or whatever you would like to think. Yeah, crazy, self-absorbed, selfish, narcissistic little bitch. I wish I had a punching bag.
Yeah, probably I'm going crazy. A self absorbed, selfish, neurotic, narcissistic little bitch! But at the moment I don't really care. At the moment I'm tired of being the one who always understands and gives in. The one who makes the effort to smooth things over and apologizes. The one who tries to make you feel good and worries about your feelings. I know I was never asked to do this and it was my choice so I should just accept the fact that I won't get the same courtesy in return nor should I expect it. But I'm only human and I hope for the same treatment from the people I care about most. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!!
Sometimes I just wonder what I really mean to them. If my feelings even matter. Because right now it seems that it isn't worth squat! Sometimes I just want to feel that they care. That even though they can't really do anything for me and can't fix what's wrong, that they'd at least try to make me feel like they're there for me and not just dismiss me like I'm a child throwing a hissy fit (I know I'm acting like one right now but I can't help it). Not to be ignored. Like how I feel isn't of importance. That my presence or lack of it holds little bearing in their lives. Is it so wrong for a person to want to be made to feel like you are important once in a while? That you matter. That you are needed. That if you leave it will have an effect on them. I was told that some people are just the way they are and they would never change but if you really loved someone you'd want to show them that they matter and want to make them feel better when they're not or at least try. It's not changing who you are but just wanting to show you care. Very idealistic, I know. Sounds like such a girl thing to say but as I last checked, I am one. So to hell what people might think about this blog. I probably will regret this when I've cooled down (I already feel guilty about my recent words and actions but I can't seem to stop) . Regret being a brat and being unreasonable but at the moment I don't care. I'm hurt, I'm mad and I feel very, very unappreciated.
This is me venting, whining, complaining or whatever you would like to think. Yeah, crazy, self-absorbed, selfish, narcissistic little bitch. I wish I had a punching bag.
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